In 2016, a friend gave me the book “I kissed Dating Goodbye” by Joshua Harris to read and I must say it was definitely a divine action. I started reading the book but never made it past Chapter 1. This was because I thought to myself “this is just another book telling us to not have sex before marriage and I don’t think I can learn anything new from this.” Besides, I was already in a relationship and didn’t need a book on dating.
Fast-forward to May 2017, while trying to get my life together after a painful breakup, I decided to pick up the book again. My main reason was because I was so over the hurt and pain that came with dating and relationships and was looking to hear someone speak the same frustrations that I had and just to empathize with the anger that I had.
To my surprise, the tone of the author was very gentle, sweet and empathetic. He didn’t sound angry or resentful. In fact, in some chapters, he sounded remorseful. I wondered why I will feel remorse coming of a breakup where I felt I was doing things the Godly way and things didn’t work out!
He reveals and dissects the approach that we take towards relationships. The trial and error experiments we conduct with people and not realizing the broken hearts and fractured destinies we leave behind. The unrealistic environments we create during dating that results in a false evaluation of the other’s character.
He also address sexual immorality in a much deeper context. I thought having sex outside of marriage was grounds for immorality but he takes it further than that by expounding on the differences between friendship and intimacy and how we often mistake one for the other.
The rule He gives is, the amount of intimacy should be appropriate to the level of commitment.
Read the book to find out more on practical rules, tips, skills and safeguards which we can develop and use to optimize our season of singleness and while courting and reduce the likelihood of the occurrence of the pitfalls that come with today’s dating scene.
The hard truth
Can you love someone else as Christ loves you? Can you put your desires before someone else? Can the person see Christ’s love in you? If the person falls into the deepest darkest places, can you pray, love and pull them out as Christ had done for you time and time again? Oh dating is so much deeper than that. I came to realize that we all approach dating with the intent of looking for what a person can offer us and if they fit with our desires, hope and aspirations for a future partner.
We rarely give reason to the other notion that a godly loving relationship is approached by determining what you can offer to this person an example of how God loves you.
Aftermath of reading
What I love about the book is that the material is applicable to those who even already married because of the lessons on heart matters and loving as Christ loved us.
So yes I, too, kissed dating goodbye! Until God works out the kinks in me and makes me one that do these things for a person, there is no point in dating. I strongly suggest that everyone, married or single, should buy and read this book. I will like to know your comments are after reading the book.
Remember, feeling ready and being ready for marriage do not mean the same thing!